There is that which a guy or lady can only get from him/herself; it is the ability to love your own story. Many young people have wrongly sought in their relationships and marriages, that which only they can give themselves, they look at their better halves to become the solution to the worthlessness they feel, the disappointment they feel, their inability to love themselves. They see in their partner, a consolation for that which they are not.

These set of people are quick to fall in love, they are quick to appreciate anyone else but themselves. They hold onto their partner with such strangulating grip that they enslave themselves loving them.
Often times, we mistake the tightness of this grip to be a sign of true love! We enjoy the submission that comes with it until we become suffocated. Then we come to the realisation of the fact that we have been living a solo life even when we have always had someone around us.

The Holy book was meant no lies when it told us to love 'as ourselves'. The passion of love must start from within and reflect to the outside. It also tells us not to be selfish but the opposite of selfish is not self denial!
The most difficult thing to achieve is to motivate our own self. But we need to be self-motivated in order to survive. We need to be able to function on our own before reaching out for love. People need to listen to you sing your own song before they can sing along!

Often times I hear complaints of people whom have given all it takes to love their partner to the point of living for them, yet they are not 'appreciative'.
But can one truly appreciate that which he/she does not need? Your partner doesn't need a slave, he needs a 'partner'.

A relationship/marriage is like a system made up of two organs (and the two shall become one). An organ is a part of an organism (system) which is typically 'self-contained' and has a 'specific' 'vital' function.
This means you must be able to function on your own before reaching out to a man/woman to be your husband/wife. You must become an organ of your own! Only then can you truly be a system  when merged with another organ.
How do you become an organ of your own?

1.) Have a purpose for living: Have a specific vital function! Find out what you love doing and be at it. Remember, what you love to do means it is an 'achievable' purpose, do not give yourself that which even you yourself are scared to work on. The purpose I mean excludes getting married. Of course it's part of what we need in life but it's not the only thing. I'm talking about something you live to do or become, something that drives you.

2.) Work to achieve that purpose: This is the only way to prove to yourself and others that you have a purpose in life and it is in fact, 'achievable'. It is the show that will bring onlookers to your direction.  A man or woman who is not about pursuing a life should not think of marriage. Why exactly are you then trying to get married? To sit and stare at another who is diligent in their work? What help then do you want your 'helpmate' to render when you have nothing going on? Work on that plan you have, be at it, let it be your driving force!

3.) Derive joy in working towards this purpose: you must be 'self contained' as an organ, you must appreciate yourself and the efforts you make at whatever stage you are in achieving your purpose. You must never think of it as being too small or look at another's as though it is better than your own. That way you wouldn't cling onto another with such overwhelming force as to empty themselves into you. You wouldn't love them more than you love yourself. You wouldn't expect from them that which you alone can give yourself!

Before you step into that journey of love, ask yourself this question; Are you truly happy alone? Do you love yourself?
Strive to have that 'self' time when you map  out your purpose and your 'how to' before settling with a helpmate.
Get a helpmate that has a purpose of his/her own (functions as an organ of his own as well). 
Be sure your purposes have a meeting point (that way, you can both help each other).
Only then will you not expect so much from your marriage and your marriage, not determine your happiness in life.